I am unremarkable. My whole life has been spent trying to be exceptional at something and finally at the age of forty I've just had to realize, I'm not exceptional at anything. I've tried and at times thought I succeeded only to meet people who are honestly exceptional at whatever it is I thought I was good at at the time. I'm just not exceptional and I'm tired of trying to be exceptional.
I was just sitting here working on a story plot when this thought kept nagging at me to write about it so here I am. Now, I know I made a New Year's resolution to not be as open as I have been in the past, but I've already failed at that one multiple times since the first day of 2012, so there you go...another thing I'm not exceptional at.
This is not a cry for pity or me looking for anyone to list what they think will make me feel better but rather, it is me thinking out loud, which might actually be something I am exceptional at. I don't know, maybe not, since I meet a lot of folks who are pretty good at thinking out loud. I have a BA and an MLIS and couldn't tell you thing one about anything that is involved with those degrees. I'm not exceptional at film, film history or film theory (which is what my BA is in) and I'm not exceptional in Library and Information Sciences (which is what my Masters is in). At best, I'm mediocre. For some reason, I've never absorbed information the way others seem to absorb it. In school, I enjoyed it but retaining the information was just not in my make up. I understand it, but ask me to tell you about it and I will answer like a simpleton. I don't retain the vocabulary or other fancy talk that comes with film, or film theory, or library sciences. When someone else talks about film, etc and uses the lingo in film theory I understand them and I get it, but don't ask me to speak because I will speak in layman's terms using street language and the basic English I know. I'm being completely honest here. I'm frustrated. I'm exhausted. I'm just tired. I am too scattered.
I know I'm not alone. There are others out there. If anything, perhaps I can be important to them. What if we (all of us who find ourselves to be unremarkable) got together and compiled everything that we are not exceptional at and as an entity became exceptional? A mighty, unremarkable and unexceptional army of Know-It-Somes? We only know some of the information on our own and individually, but together we are a force to be reckoned with! I might know some directors' names and a movie or two, but someone else might know the years for those films, and someone else might know the producers or cast and someone else might know the story behind the movie and together we can answer any question you have! Separately, I'm afraid we can only do so much. Who would be the leader? None of us could be the leader because I'm afraid none of us have the ability to be a leader for lack of knowledge on one or more subjects which might come up. How can I guide others if I'm unexceptional at being a leader. That isn't a good leader.
This is to not say I am not passionate on the subjects which I've studied, including things I've studied outside of going to college. I am very passionate. I can talk passionately about any subject that I am passionate about just don't expect the talk to be exceptional. I'll have to take it up with the rest of my team and together we might be able to provide you with a remarkable presentation of epic proportions to blow your mind.